Hillarys Health: Watch as Clinton Cackles After Supporters Sing ‘Happy Birthday’

Hillary Clinton supporters organized a performance of the song “Happy Birthday” in honor of the Democratic presidential nominee’s 69th birthday.

Happy Birthday Hillary Clinton – you have clearly colluded with the FBI to live forever.

Well, your heart may still be beating – 70 beats a minute, was it? ha! – and your blood pressure may still be boiling like a cauldron brew – 100/70, I believe – but you don’t fool anyone. We’ve all seen that video where you appear to buckle at the knees at the 9/11 memorial service before your security staff throw you into the car “like a side of beef”, and that means we can treat you as if you have passed your expiry date.

However long you linger on, with your frail, paper-thin hands clawing towards the Oval Office, just remember the Trump supporters are coming. They speared a model of your head on a stake and have marched it through the streets. There was even a small child on her father’s shoulders, wearing your face as a mask and dressed in a striped jumpsuit.

hillaryyouoldhag_small Hillarys Health: Watch as Clinton Cackles After Supporters Sing ‘Happy Birthday’ Hillary Clinton

No one cares about your historic achievement. As a “woman”. Put your tax returns away. Stop trying to show off and play by the book. We all know you wrote emails. Hundreds of ‘em. And we know your allies corresponded about buying basil and crème fraîche. What kind of weird spaghetti were they trying to make?

It’s only two weeks until the election. There is no hope! Start digging that six-foot grave in Chappaqqua – it will test your stamina – or at least you could give up now and prepare for the quiet life, darning Bill’s socks and giving him a bit of trouble in the evenings. 

But for now, let’s be nice and just wish you a “Happy Birthday, old hag”.

“Well, thank you,” Clinton laughed and turned to the crowd, although she tried to talk over them during the song.